Fighting the urge

‘The Urge’

It’s the weird thing and I don’t know how to describe it any other way. It’s like a self soothing habits based… thing?

When bad things happen, we have habits. Hard worn paths that have helped us cope in the past – or they may not have helped, but we do them over and over believing they do help. It’s like an animal path in the bush – worn down by repeated use. We don’t even know if those things actually do help us cope – but we do them anyway out of habit.

This year I’m trying to break away from the well worn path of my habits and create new ones. When bad times happen in the past I would shop to make myself feel better. Not much, but still I would buy a new dress to feel pretty, or perhaps a book to read or an album to listen to, new make up or ordering take out. Now I’m trying to not do those things. I am however giving myself some particular times when it’s ok to indulge:

  • I got a hair cut yesterday and I always feel good after the shampoo head massage
  • If I want to get a regular massage that’s ok too
  • Films, gigs, and other experiences
  • Bushwalking and going to the beach
  • Lying around at home. Allowing yourself time to rest during times of stress is important. My ‘urge’ is to push through, but I need rest in order to function and resting more during stressful times is also important

Bushwalking is the new one on that list. I’ve done variations of all the other things before, but not really used the bush as a healing remedy. Hopefully that is the thing that can help pull me out of the funk… Along with one other: time

I’m also trying to raise personal awareness of these feelings. Why do I want new things when I feel sad? Does it really help? What am I trying to achieve with these urges? Then I sit with the feeling, the awareness. I think by pausing and contemplating why we really want to do something we can create real internal change in ourselves.

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